Attention and focus

I can lose four hours to something that grabs me, then not start the thing that is actually due.I read the same paragraph three times and still have no idea what it said.My best work happens the night before it is due, and only then.I have started more projects than I could ever finish, and I meant all of them.

Sound, light and texture

Supermarkets and open plan offices drain me in a way I struggle to explain.I notice the fridge hum, the flickering light, the tag in my shirt, all at once.There are clothes I cannot wear and foods I cannot eat, and it is about texture, not fussiness.After a busy day I need silence and dark before I can speak to anyone.

Other people

I rehearse phone calls before I make them, sometimes for days.I can be good at social situations, and it costs me the rest of the day.I replay conversations at 2am looking for what I got wrong.A small piece of criticism can flatten me far past what it deserved.

Time and admin

Time is either now or not now. There is no in between.Forms, emails and phone calls pile up until they become an emergency.I am either twenty minutes early or fifteen minutes late, rarely on time.I have paid late fees on money I had, for bills I meant to pay.

Routine and change

I need my routine, and I also get bored of it and blow it up.An unexpected change to plans can throw the whole day.I have eaten the same lunch every day for months and been perfectly happy.Being interrupted mid task feels physically jarring, not just annoying.

Energy and burnout

I have been called lazy, and also told I have so much potential.I can do the hard thing and then not manage the simple one.There have been stretches where I could not do the basics and did not know why.Rest does not always fix it. Sometimes I need to stop entirely.

The pull toward the new thing

I have bought things I could not really afford because in that moment they were already mine.I finish other people's sentences, or answer before the question ends, even when I know better.New hobby, full kit, three weeks, done. I own a drawer that proves it.Even when I am relaxed, some part of me is tapping, jiggling, or about to stand up.

Depth and detail

When something catches me I do not have a look, I go on a deep dive that lasts months or years.Sharing facts about the thing I love is how I show love, and I have learned to ration it.I notice patterns, errors and small details that other people walk straight past.Vague instructions are agony. Tell me exactly what finished looks like and I am fine.